


Hubert the Babysitter

by LaDragonaria



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Cute Kids, Domestic Fluff, Dorks in Love, F/F, Hubert being Hubert but with a baby, Husbands, I'd rate it G unless the thought of people being gay is too adult for you, Implied Relationships, M/M, Post-Black Eagles Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Self-Indulgent, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, husbands being uncles, implied doropetra, it's really just self-indulgent fluff because I wanted it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-09 13:10:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20995352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaDragonaria/pseuds/LaDragonaria
Summary: Edelgard and Byleth are mothers to an adorable little baby, and Hubert and Ferdinand are very invested in being uncles.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Really I just wanted to see Hubert being Hubert, but with a baby. And I won't apologize.

"Hubert..." 

Edelgard sighed apologetically as she handed him the baby.

"You need not worry about me."

"I'm sure you'll be fine. It's more that I feel bad burdening you with a fussy baby while I work," Edelgard pressed her fingers to her forehead. "I try not to be the noble who pushes the baby off on nannies whenever the child is difficult, but... Working and sleeping have just been impossible lately. The professor is as stoic as ever, but even she must be at her wit's end too."

"As I said, you need not worry about me, Your Majesty," Hubert said blankly. "You'll remember I am the Minister of the Imperial Household. Your child is a member of that Household."

"Yes, but you have subordinates and-"

"I have cared for you since you were quite young, Your Majesty. I am fully capable of managing a baby while you get your work done and get some rest. You and the professor have important matters to attend to as heads of state. Ferdinand even supplied me with toys and books to keep Her Highness occupied."

"It was not a question of ability, Hubert. It... feels rather unfair of me to ask one of my closest allies and a Minister at that to be doing something like this. I have to say... it is rather shameful."

"There is no shame in having your friend take care of your child. Moreover, it stands to reason I am one of the best suited to this job."

"...I suppose so. Although, I worried a baby might... perturb you."

"You need not worry, Your Majesty. I am not so easily daunted by my charges. Even children."

"..." Edelgard still felt guilty about it all, but... "Then... I'll speak no more about it and leave you to your work."

Edelgard smiled at the baby as Hubert held her there, kissing the baby's forehead.

"You behave for Uncle Hubert, alright? Your mothers need to govern the nation." She then looked to Hubert. "As soon as I'm able to do without him, I'll send Ferdinand your way as well."

"Your concern is touching, but hardly necessary, Your Majesty. Ferdinand is... your Prime Minister. As much as he would love to coo and coddle Her Highness, it is unavoidable."

Hubert began to blush, and smirked almost devilishly: "Ferdinand will be jealous of all the time I get to spend with her. Do not let his pouting influence your decision, Your Majesty. Even if he inquires about your exhaustion. He will relent after a fashion, if you stand firm."

"...If I'm honest, I don't think I have the stamina to say no to him today. He can be quite... insistent."

Hubert nodded. He had expected as much.

And although he certainly would not have approved of Ferdinand plotting against Her Majesty per se... he could be inclined to work with him when it was in Edelgard's best interest to get some rest. So far, the plan seemed to be working.

"Why do you look so pleased?"

"The Emperor's baby is in my arms," Hubert said as he pulled his face back into neutral. "How can I not be pleased holding such greatness?"

"Your flattery is... unsettling, Hubert." Edelgard groaned again. "And let's be clear... I am not blind to your machinations. I am well aware of what you're plotting."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Your Majesty. I would not plot and scheme behind your back. I believe we have been quite transparent."

"Oh, really? Lying to the Emperor could be grounds for treason, Hubert."

"When have I lied? But if you are sure... would you like me to schedule my execution? What time works best for you, Your Majesty?" He deadpanned. "I can have my affairs in order by this afternoon."

"...Even when I try to joke with you, it still feels like I'm never gaining the upper hand." She shook her head. "I truly do appreciate you and Ferdinand's interest in helping... just don't act like your two-pronged coordinated strike went unnoticed... Sorry, that came out more aggressive than I meant it. I understand you're trying to be available to lean on, and I should try to not see that as a coup."

"..."

"I trust my child in your capable hands. Both of you. Your determination to be helpful is appreciated." She stopped. "And it is very frightening to be on the receiving end of it. Be that as it may, I know you will protect her. I... just do not want to have her out of my sight. It scares me terribly." 

"I know how you feel. But please know that any child of Your Majesty's is another life I would die to protect."

"...You have so many lives to protect now. Quite a departure from how you used to be."

"I don't believe I have changed that drastically. But if Your Majesty says so, then surely it must be."

Edelgard frowned at that. She hated when he told her things she'd want to hear instead of how he actually felt.

"You know I hate when you do that."

"..."

"It's really alright...? Really?"

Edelgard spent a very long time kissing and touching the baby, making her laugh, and Edelgard would smile in return. When the thought of leaving her crossed her mind, she would get sad and start the whole process over again.

"...If Ferdinand finds you late to your meeting, he will know that our plan is working. You should endeavor to hurry and put on a brave face, Your Majesty."

"..." Edelgard narrowed her eyes at him as she began to walk away, pausing only to kiss the baby goodbye again. "You've become very sinister since becoming my Left Hand. I like this better when you're on _my_ side."

"I am _always_ on your side."

She gave him another pointed look to which Hubert held up the tiny child's arm with two fingers and made the baby wave. It was cute, and horrible. 

\- - -

The room afforded to the baby was comically large for a tiny creature who was still in a crib. Although it would certainly become a nursery, and then later the child's own room at the palace.

Hubert looked frightening surrounded by tiny baby-related items. He looked like a ghoul, some kind of evil spirit or rogue phantom was there to abduct the baby. 

The sight of a brooding gaunt man with dark hair holding the baby had already made one maid faint away. He would have to have a discussion with the governess and the head housekeeper.

It wouldn't do for the maids to be afraid of him, even if he was the Minister of the Imperial Household and Left Hand of the Emperor. Perhaps he should wear the cloth flowers that Bernadetta had made for him.

There was a chair for him in the corner where no doubt someone - Edelgard, Byleth, or any of the other maids - would come and hold the baby to feed her or read to her. He had even caught Dorothea singing to the baby there before.

By his side, Ferdinand's presents to the baby were collected in a pile. Enough blankets for an entire army in winter. More embroidered and stuffed animals than a zoo. There was also a stuffed sword that Uncle Caspar had given the baby, after having to repeatedly be told not to yell, and that throwing the baby into the air was grounds for execution.

Even Linhardt had been involved at some points. Although he was curious and excited about the baby, he had repeatedly said he wanted no part of diapers or the baby spitting up. But despite that, whenever the baby went down for a nap, Linhardt would mention how the baby was taking after him.

The baby's favorite toy was a sewn doll of a carnivorous plant, from a certain doting "Auntie Bernie" as she called herself. It was not exactly cute, but the baby would cry if it was taken away. 

"Now then, let us see what your Uncle Ferdinand has prepared for you..." He said before looking through an unreasonably large stack of books. "...too much it seems."

Subtlety was not his husband's forte. 

Hubert sighed at the selection. Of course the baby was just a baby... but these books were idiotic. Fables and fairy tales and garish or cartoonish children's books.

"Since you lack the cognitive awareness to read or even remember what we discuss this day, what I've decided is we'll be reading something I would enjoy reading," Hubert said picking one of the more lengthy books from the pile. 

"Animals of the World: Fódlan and Beyond. I'll admit, I know very little of all of the fauna, so why don't we find out together."

Setting the baby up on his lap with the book, the baby cooed and cawed at times as he read things out loud. It was all in alphabetical order so it was easy to predict what would be next.

"Ah yes. Elephants," it had a picture and he showed the baby who seemed to bounce happily in his lap. "Yes, you do seem to enjoy elephants. According to the book, they live in warmer climates like parts of Dagda the Brigid archipelago, and other more tropical areas. Do you know the word 'archipelago'? ...It means a chain of islands. For a country, an archipelago is quite a challenge. It's harder to march in and conquer, but it's also harder to govern when each island has their own warlords and cheiftains. The ideal way to conquer them is a naval blockade and a slow stranglehold, assuming the islands aren't very unified. The cheiftains can often have very diverse opinions. I suppose it's no different from the Emperor dealing with all of the nobility, but when your mother has problems with the nobility, she knows how to make a show of force."

Hubert spent a long time explaining military strategy to the baby who patted at the elephant drawing. Invasions, supply lines, the difficulties of fighting against a defensive force in urban areas and in jungles...

As Hubert waxed poetic about the finer points of the art of war, the baby sputtered and grabbed at the book making babbling noises.

"It also says some countries used elephants as beasts of war and that they can be ridden. Your Aunt Petra would probably know more about any elephants in her kingdom, if there are any. Perhaps she will take you to ride an elephant one day. Would you enjoy that?"

The baby cooed at him, happily drooling. Hubert wiped at her face with a handkerchief.

"...Then I am afraid we must disagree. Elephants can vary in height and can grow to almost twice an adult man's height. I for one can imagine nothing worse than riding on the back of something that far off the ground. Fortunately it doesn't fly. But I suspect you will learn to ride horses at the very least. Maybe you will enjoy flying. Your Uncle Ferdinand would be happy to show you the horses, I am sure."

Hubert shook his head.

"He will be overbearing and annoying about it too. You have my condolences in advance."

He began to flip through the pages, frowning.

"This book is hardly a complete guide. I think it was centered on children, but even this is insulting to one of your caliber, Your Highness. I would have much rather read you a detailed encyclopedia... They have drawings and do not skimp on details or variety."

He turned the page and the baby began to fuss and cry.

"What's the matter?" He looked at the page. "Peacock. Yes. Peacocks are rather ornate birds. They can be quite magnificent to behold, but they are rather shrill birds. They can be territorial. When you are older, you will no doubt find peacock motifs in murals and artistry. They are beautiful, but all the same..."

The peacock in the book had its full tail extended, and rows of drawn eyes were looking back at them. They were eye level to the baby, who probably didn't know it was just a drawing.

"Mm... I see. That would be unnerving."

The baby began to have a small meltdown, fussing and bubbling into tears.

"Shall I eliminate this creature for you?" He asked. "If it so displeases you, I would happily get rid of it... but don't tell your Uncle Ferdinand what we are doing to his gift."

Quickly and efficiently, Hubert carefully pulled the paper out of the book, making sure not to leave scraps of torn paper at the root of the book's spine. Absentmindedly, he turned the paper over once he had removed it.

"It seems we are going to lose a 'Pegasus' here," Hubert said blandly. "...Unfortunate, but it was a necessary sacrifice for your greater good, Your Highness."

He took a moment to read over the Pegasus entry, but it was nothing groundbreaking.

"A pity that it had to come to this, at least for you..." 

And then he crumpled the paper in his hand until it was just a small crinkled ball of nothing, and stuffed it into his pocket. He didn't want the baby to find it and try to eat it or choke on it. And he certainly didn't want Ferdinand to find it if he just threw it on the ground.

No one would ever see the peacock or the pegasus again.

"There now. No more peacocks staring at you... Yes, I quite enjoyed that too. Should you require any other creatures removed from your sight, let me know. Let's move on to Q..."

...

After some time had passed, Ferdinand practically sprinted towards the room (and Hubert) at full speed. He turned into the room so fast he nearly slid.

"She said yes!!" Ferdinand announced at the top of his lungs. The baby in Hubert's arms was just being put into the crib.

"Quiet."

And then in a scream whisper: "She said yes!"

"I heard you the first time. Must you barge in like... an elephant?"

"An elephant?"

"...Nevermind, it is unimportant."

"Edelgard said she would allow us to take the baby for the evening. We may even be able to watch her for the week if we apply the right pressure."

"What you're saying sounds tantamount to treason."

"I have already sent a message to the estate saying that we may be staying at the palace. We will not be abducting the Imperial princess. That... would be very unsavory parallel."

"Stop talking." Hubert said, clearly having thought that before. "What's important is we allow Her Majesty to rest and enjoy some time alone with the professor."

"Hubert, I did not know you were such a romantic! I was more concerned with the baby."

The baby began to fuss and cry again.

"Look what you've done, Ferdinand." Hubert loomed over him, a different kind of menace in his eyes. "I told you what fate would befall you if you upset Her Highness."

"I am sorry, please allow me to soothe her!" Ferdinand ignored Hubert and moved towards the baby.

Hubert abruptly got in his way: "You are not allowed to touch Her Highness in your condition."

"My condition?!" Ferdinand pouted. "Is this another one of your bizarre attempts to preempt me? You should know I will be more useful than you to Lady Edelgard and the professor. I will be so useful that you will be unnecessary. I will not allow you to succeed in your attempts to make the baby like you more than she likes me! I will be her favorite uncle, not you!"

Hubert knew that was exactly what he was doing, that they were in a competition to be more useful as the Left and Right Hands of the Emperor. But he also would never admit that he wanted the baby to like him more. It did not matter that Edelgard and Hubert were already closer than Edelgard was with Hubert. He wanted it all, and he wanted to win.

"You are... ridiculous." Hubert said, obfuscating. "You are behaving like a child. Maybe you just want the baby to like you so that you can finally have someone intellectually on your level."

"That was a rather poor attempt at deflecting for a spymaster. I know what you are doing, Uncle Hubert. And I - the favorite uncle - will not let you win."

The baby's cries were not a full meltdown, but she was clearly awake and wanting someone to hold her. The two moved forward to comfort her but Hubert stopped Ferdinand again firmly.

"You just came from multiple meetings where you shook hands with nobles from all over Fódlan. If you think I would allow you to touch Her Highness without you washing up, you are sorely mistaken."

"You are impossible, Hubert. She is a baby and needs to be exposed to some things to get stronger. Even noble children must eat dirt and sand. That is part of childhood."

"You are not convincing Caspar, you are speaking to me. And I will not allow it." Hubert subtly gripped Ferdinand's collar. "If you insist on this path, I will make you disappear, you Peacock."

"...Peacock? I thought I was an elephant." Ferdinand smiled, stupidly, just to catch Hubert off guard. And it worked; Hubert relented.

"You are... a nuisance."

Their rivalry was quickly tabled. It was easier to do what Hubert said than to try and force it... this time.

"If I wash up, is there any chance I will get to hear you sing her a lullaby? As a reward for all my hard work today?"

"You expect me to sing?"

"I think it would be very cute. I do not think you could sing a lullaby without smiling, so that would also be a treat. You could make us both very happy."

"...I promise nothing. Now go and wash up before I remove you. Hands and face. I will not repeat myself."

"I'm afraid it's no good, Hubert. Your threats only charm me further when they come from a place of love. This is why you are mine and I am yours," Ferdinand said giving Hubert a sudden kiss on the cheek before rushing off in a whirlwind to get cleaned up.

Hubert's ghostly pallor gave way to a rising blush. He scoffed, and went to wipe his cheek... but thought better of it.

Instead he rushed to the baby and picked her up.

"Apologies for the delay, Your Highness. You may collect my head for my tardiness..." The baby cooed. "Your Uncle Ferdinand is a peacock, and he thinks I will not kill him if I have to. But he is wrong. Because I will kill him if he gets you sick."

The baby seemed upset by his words.

"...But we do not kill him. Because he is loyal. Because hiding his body would be very difficult work. And because... we love him. Yes. We love our stupid Uncle Ferdinand." Hubert quickly looked into the baby's eyes. "But there will be no singing this night, at least not from me. You and I must be of one mind in this. You must not allow that sad look in his eye to fool you. You cannot allow that peacock to sway you, Your Highness."

Hubert gave the baby a kiss on the forehead and then locked eyes with her, trying to forge a telepathic alliance. It was unclear whether he was talking more to the baby or to himself, and it was unclear how it was going to turn out in the end.


	2. Ferdinand the Babysitter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all asked for this and I'm happy to oblige.
> 
> Be warned there is singing and questionable poetry for which I will not apologize. 
> 
> I will apologize for not giving the baby a name because I thought about it, and then I decided it would be very 2006 of me to make a baby OC of a character so...
> 
> Also surprise! I was Doropetra trash all along!

"I'm so happy that we have finally gotten some time to ourselves!"

Ferdinand was spinning slowly while holding the baby high above him.

"If she vomits on you, that will be your own fault," Hubert chided him.

For a brief moment, Ferdinand's smile was frozen in horror as he slowly lowered the baby down. The baby was doing a good job of gripping at Ferdinand's fingers. He began to cradle her and extended his finger. The baby's whole tiny hand clasped around his finger.

"She is so small..." Ferdinand gushed, voice breaking with emotion. "I think I might cry."

"Again?"

Ferdinand was perhaps too excited for his own good. The baby had no idea what was going on, but did enjoy the attention and the energy.

"What shall we do first? We could read something? No, no... that is my hair, and it is quite attached, please do not tug. Oh! Or would you like to go for a horseback ride?"

"She's too young to be on horseback, Ferdinand." Hubert looked over at him, disapprovingly. "You will not put our charge in danger. The answer is no."

"I am an excellent rider, Hubert. I happen to know of a special harness that allows you to wear the baby in front of you. I have worn her very often. She enjoys when I jump and she bounces with me. And she loves to accompany me, don't you? Don't you?" Ferdinand said gently booping the baby's nose who giggled delighted. "Yes, you are always the star of every tea party we go to."

"That is entirely different from riding on a horse." Hubert took a moment. "I also am not sure how I feel about her being that close to hot water at your tea parties."

"Hubert, you cannot protect the baby from every single thing in the world. I am very careful with her. Have I ever given you a reason to worry?"

"Need I remind you that she is still an infant?" Hubert shook his head. "If she gets hurt because of you, even I will struggle to forgive you, Ferdinand."

"You see?" Ferdinand looked towards the baby, leaning in closer. "Your Uncle Hubert loves you so much. When you get older he will probably cry the first time you lose a tooth."

"Ferdinand."

"He will also cry at your wedding... assuming you get married. You are free to choose a spouse or not. We will love and support you no matter what you do or do not do."

"Stop saying ridiculous things."

"Uncle Hubert is in fact a very big softie. Can you say 'softie'?"

The baby babbled something.

"That's right! She got it!" Ferdinand looked to Hubert. "Did you hear? This baby is a genius."

"..." Hubert would have remarked that those weren't words, but it was no use.

Ferdinand had desperately been trying to spend as much time with the baby while they could. Their first foray into babysitting had gone very well, and although Edelgard was very happy to have her baby back, she believed she could trust that her baby would be safe in Hubert and Ferdinand's hands.

It had come at a good time. Edelgard was preparing for some events that required her to travel, and bringing a baby with them was not feasible, particularly because the trip also involved time on a ship. Edelgard was already wary of the ocean, and the long voyage on a sailing vessel was not ideal for a baby. 

"Given our previous success, Her Majesty has allowed us to provisionally look after Her Highness. Please do not let your excitement get the better of you."

"You say that, but we both know you enjoy spending time with her more than I do." Ferdinand was smirking at him knowingly. "I am rather surprised that you are not accompanying Edelgard on her trip. You are not doubting my abilities as a babysitter, I hope."

"All evidence to the contrary, no, I am not doubting you. The professor is going with her... And the first part of her journey is to go to Brigid. I believe the professor, and Petra being accompanied by Dorothea, are more than adequate bodyguards. It is better that you and I are here to hold down the fort, as it were."

"Hubert, I have been meaning to say this for some time but... your trust in the professor is remarkable. When we first met, you were suspicious of her, were you not? I think you once threatened her life?"

It was more than once, but no need to bring that up.

"...I am suspicious of most people when I first meet them. You were no different."

"But I grew on you!" Ferdinand beamed proudly.

"Like a fungus."

"Uncle Hubert is pretending like he doesn't love me," Ferdinand whispered to the baby. "But we both know that he does."

"..." It was actually really cute, but Hubert did not want to encourage it. "The professor has done nothing but help us. True, there was a time that I had considered her a problem to be eliminated... but I was wrong. She has earned my trust. And, of course, she is Lady Edelgard's wife. My responsibilities as a Minister extend to her as well."

"You trust her."

"I did say that." Hubert would have continued but he knew Ferdinand would only continue to give him a hard time. "But more to the point, the professor and Her Majesty would want nothing more than to spend time with the baby themselves. In their absence, we must look after their child the best we can."

"I know that. I..." Ferdinand stopped to stare at the baby who was now trying to suck on her own foot. His eyes were watery again. "...I just want her to know we love her. Do you think that she knows that we love her?"

"I am not sure what children her age are capable of knowing. But anyone with eyes can see how you dote on her."

"She is so small. And precious. And I must admit I was terrified of breaking her, but..." Ferdinand chuckled and began to bounce the baby in his arms. "Whenever she smiles, I think I might melt."

"Are you feeling comfortable enough to watch her for the afternoon?" Hubert asked.

"Of course. Why? Do you have something you need to do?"

"Her Majesty, the professor, Petra, and Dorothea are joining us for tea later today before they leave for Brigid. "

"That's right, I forgot that was today. But what do you have to do?"

"I need to coordinate and make sure all of the luggage and travel itinerary is taken care of, and speak with the guards. And then I will be back here to go over things with the kitchen staff... So I will not be gone long."

"Do you hear that, little one? You and I are going to have some time to ourselves! Yes, we are!"

"If she gets hungry, just call for the wet nurse or some of the maids. She is at the age when she can handle some foods as well, but do not feed her by yourself just in case. And be careful of anything she puts in her mouth. And do not let her sleep with the stuffed animals."

"I know that, Hubert. Please, go attend to your duties. You needn't worry about us."

"..." Hubert looked like he was about to say something else, but relented. "I love you. Both of you."

"Say goodbye to Uncle Hubert! Bye, Uncle Hubert!" He said trying to make the baby wave, but she yawned instead. "She loves you. And I love you too. But I might come to love her more than you if you do not hurry, Hubert."

"...You are simply impossible." Hubert was smiling though.

. . .

"Where's Uncle Ferdinand...?" Ferdinand asked, hiding his face behind his hands. And then, suddenly he brought his hands away and the baby cooed and cheered. "Here I am!"

Even Ferdinand was laughing. 

"Where did Uncle Ferdinand go...?" He played peekaboo with her again and again, each time delighting in her happy noises when he reappeared. "Here I am!"

They had been doing this for what seemed like the whole morning. Ferdinand was much better at playtime and keeping the baby active. He would play with the stuffed animals with her - learning the hard way not to take away the stuffed carnivorous plant doll - or he would play peekaboo. There were also many other activities they had done, but it all blurred together.

For some time, he had pretended she was able to fly by picking her up and dashing around the room.

"Here she comes, the pegasus knight! Here she comes, prepared to fight!" Ferdinand sang as he held her aloft. "Flying through the air, wind in her hair! Pegasus knight!"

Not that she had much hair.

He laughed at her expression: "When you are older, I shall teach you to ride a horse or a pegasus. But we cannot tell your Uncle Hubert. He would complain about heights and fret over you endlessly. I fear you will give him gray hair. Or is that your goal? Are you trying to make Uncle Hubert look more distinguished? Yes?"

She was not really at the age where she would be crawling, much less walking, but she liked to be held, and bounced, and twirled. It was becoming a real workout for Ferdinand.

"...Alright... I... I think we should maybe sit down. Being a pegasus knight is very thirsty work. Are you hungry?" Ferdinand scratched his head. "...Or, actually, perhaps it's your nap time."

Ferdinand desperately wanted to be the superior uncle, but somehow Hubert was better at reading what she wanted. He could not really tell when she was hungry or needed to be changed, or when she wanted to rest. If Hubert were there, he would have told Ferdinand that he was overstimulating her and tiring her out.

In his zeal, he easily worked himself into a frenzy when the baby did not behave how he thought she would. He believed he was best suited to small children with lots of energy, but babies were something else entirely.

Hubert had told him that the secret to his own success was Ferdinand... which actually had not made any sense.

As much fun as it was, it also was... surprisingly mentally taxing. He hadn't realized how much he enjoyed having actual conversations with adults. With the baby, a lot of it was talking to himself or making ridiculous noises. Towards the end of it, though, she was becoming fussy and maybe even cranky.

"Alright, I think you have been overly stimulated. Perhaps it is time for your nap..." Ferdinand smirked. "Are you ready to play 'Uncle Linhardt'? The rules are very simple. You just sleep for as much as you want."

She was making a frowny face at him, as if threatening to hiccup into tears.

"What is wrong? Oh, I think you are tired..."

She was much more vocal around Ferdinand than with Hubert, perhaps because of the energy differences. She was always well behaved for Hubert, as far as he knew. With Ferdinand she would coo and shriek, and sometimes wail. He did his utmost to keep her from that, because he did not do well under pressure with screaming children.

"Come now, little one. We are going to go to bed now," Ferdinand said gently hushing her with some rocking motions.

She was fussing more and more, although Ferdinand was gentle in his approach.

"If you are tired, you should rest. I am letting you rest. You could not possibly be hungry again..." She seemed to be fussing more and more. At last he put her into her crib. "See? It is now nap time. We will be playing Uncle Linhardt. You are ready for sleep!"

But even so, the baby still continued to cry. And then... the wailing began.

Ferdinand froze in panic.

"N-No, no... There is no need to cry. You are ready for sleep, and Uncle Ferdinand is here with you to keep you safe! You see? There is no reason to cry!"

But it was no use.

"Alright, alright... I will sing to you if you like, come here... Up you go..." Ferdinand tried not to let the panic come out in his voice as he picked her up again, holding her against his chest where she could rest her head on his shoulder. "See? I am here. Uncle Ferdinand is here... And now I will sing to you... so please, promise not to scream in my ear, okay?"

Ferdinand bounced with her and that seemed to pacify her, to some extent.

"Uh... Alright, a song... a song to sing... What was the one that Dorothea sang to you? The one Annette came up with...?"

Ferdinand did his best to remember:

"I love you very much  
From your head to your toes  
From your eyes to your nose  
And every little bit of you!

I love you very much  
And I hope that it shows  
And... something something something  
But I love you!"

Ferdinand had no idea what he was doing. He could not remember the words. Dorothea's version had been a slower song. And it had worked like a charm.

Ferdinand's version... not as good. Perhaps because it was too fast?

The baby whimpered against his chest as he held her.

"Not that song then. Maybe when your Auntie Dorothea gets here she can sing it to you. Okay... a different song." Ferdinand thought about it while bouncing the baby gently. He thought about it, but there were not many songs he knew that could be appropriate for children, or were maybe too fast for sleeping. "There is one song that you might like. It is slower, although not a lullaby. I'm afraid it makes very little sense... It's more of a set of words set to music."

Ferdinand paused and shook his head.

"I don't know why I'm explaining it to you, I don't think you really understand me. I could sing gibberish and you would not know the difference." Ferdinand awkwardly chuckled. "...This song used to be one of my favorites. I hope you'll like it too..."

Ferdinand cleared his throat and sat down, still holding the baby against him. He tried to imagine how Hubert would sing... solemnly. Without hurry. No panic.

Hubert was able to remain so calm even in the worst of moments. He envied that about him. Maybe trying to think of what Hubert would do made the song come to mind. He blushed as he began:

"I finally got to see you smile,  
A smile you hid from everyone,  
Under a thick coat of frost  
And pain.

Seeing you learn how to laugh again  
Let me know that your heart would mend,  
Even knowing the hardships that you faced  
Would remain.

It doesn't get easier  
To go on.

And all the evils in the world  
Can't be undone.

Let's line our sorrows up,  
Yours, and mine.  
We'll be together  
Til the end of time."

She had stopped fussing, and he believed she was falling asleep. Rather than jinx it, he continued to the next verse, trying not to let his joy at this bleed into his words:

"Smiling was the hardest thing,  
When it felt like the world was closing in,  
Thinking I'd have to face it  
On my own.

But then I saw you standing there,  
Struggling like me to see the sun,  
Wishing there was more to life than this,  
All alone.

I know it feels like  
So much is gone.

But when I'm with you  
I see the dawn.

Let's spread our wings together,  
And fly free,  
We'll soar together  
You and me."

Ferdinand very very slowly placed the baby back into the crib and gently removed the stuffed carnivorous plant from her grasp, then placing it on a dresser with her other things.

He took a long but quiet deep breath.

There was a soft knock at the door, and Ferdinand turned, nearly jumping when he saw Hubert there. Hubert held a finger to his lips before beckoning him to come closer.

When Ferdinand came closer, he could see that Hubert's eyes looked... wet? Like an allergic reaction. Or... was he crying?

"...Is something wrong?" Ferdinand asked seriously. What was serious enough to make Hubert cry? "What happened?"

"Nothing is wrong," Hubert said clearing his throat.

"Are you sure? You sound..." Ferdinand realized what was happening and began to blush. "You didn't happen to overhear that, did you?"

"..." Hubert looked away. "I don't know what you're referring to. I only just got back. Anyway... Her Majesty and the others will be here soon. I wanted your help with the tea since... you are most suited to that task."

"Worry not, Hubert. I will take care of it."

"...She is sleeping?"

"Yes. I believe I have tired her out. Ah. Perhaps I should have waited for her mothers to put her to bed so they could see her. I apologize, I was not thinking."

"Nonsense. They will be here when she wakes up. Come now, there is tea to prepare and you will need my help. I will have one of my most trusted maids keep an eye on her in the meantime."

As Hubert turned and began walking, he looked back at Ferdinand. Slowly, he offered his arm.

"Come now, we shall... go together." It sounded like he was going to say something different, but did not.

Ferdinand chuckled and took his arm, closing the distance between them to hold Hubert's hand with both of his.

"Welcome back, Hubert."

\- - -

The tea party was in full swing, and with Ferdinand's help it was better than anticipated. Food and desserts were served with different varieties of tea as the six of them sat around the table.

Some time had passed...

"She hasn't been giving you too much trouble, I hope," Edelgard asked leaning forward, interested.

"She can be a handful," Byleth said with the same lack of emotion as always. "And can be loud when she wants to be."

As a child, Byleth had been impassive, or so Jeralt had said. But her baby with Edelgard was quite expressive indeed.

"Not at all," Hubert said as he sipped the tea that Ferdinand had picked for him. The Hresvelg blend certainly was nostalgic. When he was younger, he had drank it often enough that he'd acquired a taste for it. It wasn't as good as coffee, though. And he did not want to make a pot of coffee for just himself.

"Hubert is a marvel with her. I have no idea how he is able to soothe her so quickly, but he does it so efficiently. I am quite jealous myself." Ferdinand laughed.

"Really?" Dorothea moved closer. "I never would've guessed that Hubie was that good with kids. He doesn't seem the type at all."

"..." Hubert said nothing.

"All people are having hidden talents, Hubert included," Petra said with a smile. "I am also feeling jealousy. Lady Edelgard's child is only quieting for me when I am singing to her."

"Is that why?" Dorothea looked to her. "All this time I've been singing to her and she's been a perfect angel. But I've always been good with kids, so I didn't think much of it. Except she likes to pull hair, the little stinker."

"Oh, yes," Ferdinand said with a loud laugh. "I have found that out the hard way myself. It is quite the task to get her to let go."

"She is a strong baby. She will fight," Petra nodded.

"Yes, but does she have to fight my hairdo? I already learned the hard way not to wear jewelry around her. Earrings, necklaces... nothing is safe."

"She must take after Edelgard," Ferdinand laughed. "Such strength, and a set of lungs."

"And what does that mean...?" Edelgard furrowed her brow. "It... could not possibly be my fault. For all we know..."

"...?" She looked to Byleth, who gave her a confused head tilt. That argument was clearly not going to work.

"Lady Edelgard's child has the strength of the eagle," Petra said laughing.

"Petra..." Edelgard began to blush. "You are embarrassing me."

"Well, why don't we ask the expert in all things Edie?" Dorothea looked to Hubert. "Hey, Hubie, what was Edie like as a baby?"

"She was-"

"Hubert."

Edelgard stared hard at him.

"...Her Majesty is not that much younger than myself. I have no clear memories of her when she was a baby."

Edelgard nodded approvingly and sipped her tea.

"However, as a young girl... Her Majesty would often cry if she felt left out by her siblings. And I can think of some notable incidents of her getting into fights that involved hair pulling."

"Hubert!" Edelgard's face turned bright red. "That is... ridiculous! Absolute nonsense. And... even if such incidents did occur, they are not worth talking about, or remembering."

"Of course, Your Majesty." Hubert said simply.

"Aw, but I want to hear more stories about Edie as a kid. Was she a real terror?"

"She went from hair pulling to handling axes," Ferdinand smiled. "Truly the soul of a warrior who will do whatever it takes. Ahahahaha..."

"This is... not what we should be talking about," Edelgard was losing control of this battle.

"I want to know what you were like, El." Byleth said with a small smile, and Edelgard's heart was vanquished in one blow.

And... right on time, the baby began to cry loudly. A maid came down to them, almost as quickly and silently as Hubert himself, and Hubert nodded to her.

"What a shame, it seems we will have to put that conversation aside for now," Edelgard said as she stood up from her chair.

"Allow me, my lady," Hubert stood instead. "I believe her nap time is over, so I will bring her down to spend time with us."

"Hubert, I don't want to put you out."

"You are not. Let me show you how well we can look after Her Highness. You should sit here and enjoy yourself."

"..." Edelgard sighed and began to sit. "If you insist."

"Do you need assistance?" Ferdinand asked. "I would be happy to watch the master at work."

"I can manage. You stay here and keep our guests entertained," Hubert said as he effortlessly moved away from the table without a sound.

As expected, there were some maids trying in vain to appease the screaming baby. It was all to no avail.

"I can take it from here," he said as he held his arms out to hold the baby. The maids gently placed her into his arms. "Go on about your business, I will take care of this."

When the maids had gone, Hubert looked around, and grabbed the stuffed carnivorous plant, and sat down in the chair. The baby was still screaming and crying, as Hubert held her. He gently handed her the stuffed plant and she seemed to begin to settle.

"Is that what you wanted? Did you wake up without your friend?" Hubert shook his head. "We did talk about this. You cannot sleep with it until you are older. I will not have you suffocating on my watch. You should thank Uncle Ferdinand for remembering what is deadly for you."

The baby continued to fuss and cry, though much less loudly than before.

"Are you still upset, Your Highness...?" Hubert sighed. "Has it really come to this? ...We discussed this earlier, I am not sure what your fascination is, but... I will do what is required."

He gently held the baby and bounced her gently.

"Are you sure this is the only way? ...Consider your options carefully. I do not intend to hold back." The baby continued fussing. "...Very well, I have no choice. But you will not reveal anything that happens in this room today, not even to your mothers. And especially not to Uncle Ferdinand. Are we clear?"

As if waiting for some kind of confirmation that may or may not have come, Hubert's bouncing of the baby became more rhythmic. And then, in a solemn and quieter voice, he began:

"Noble man  
Ferdinand,  
Native of the Aegirs' land,  
Here he comes,  
There he goes,  
Hail, Ferdinand!  
March!

Right foot,  
Left foot,  
One in front of the other!  
Right foot,  
Left foot,  
A hero like no other!

Noble man,  
Ferdinand,  
Emperor's Right Hand,  
Ferdinand  
Of Adrestia,  
Hail, Ferdinand!  
March!"

After one or two repetitions of this, the baby's crying immediately stopped and she began to giggle and laugh like before.

The song "Ferdinand of Adrestia" was a song from Dorothea's opera about Edelgard and her exploits on her rise to power. As expected, the song was simple in lyrics, what one would expect of some kind of military marching song, but the choreography had been sublime, with the actors and dancers waving flags and lances. Hubert and Edelgard had gone many times in support of the show, and Ferdinand was perhaps much more vocal than he needed to be.

At some parts, Hubert had to keep Ferdinand from singing along. For months Ferdinand had been humming the tune to Hubert's own song, or singing it loudly. For his own sake, Hubert had done his best to keep Ferdinand from doing that since it was... embarrassing.

And yet...

"Ferdinand of Adrestia" was the baby's favorite song.

Once she had calmed down, Hubert held her gently at his shoulder.

"You see? All better... Now, let's go see your mothers. And no more tears. There will be no encores."

As he walked into the hallway... Ferdinand was there. Bright red with embarrassment, laughter, and tears streaming down his face... Ferdinand of Adrestia.

At the table, the crying had been quelled in what seemed like record time. This had been the subject of fascination for the table. And when Ferdinand went to go see what was going on (and perhaps discover Hubert's secret after all)... he had heard a familiar song.

"Do not look at me with that face," Hubert said, doing a poor job of hiding a grimace. Ferdinand was about to say something, but Hubert silenced him. "I am serious. Wipe your face. If... everyone sees you crying, they will think I was cruel to you... again. And, please... stop looking at me like that."

Hubert would never hear the end of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Now that you know my secrets, I am afraid I will have to kill you."  
"...You would not kill me in front of a baby."  
"She will not remember your death cries."
> 
> ~ ~ ~
> 
> And before anyone asks, yes I do have a song I wrote about Hubert from the fictional opera that I really have no business writing, thank you for asking.
> 
> It might show up in a different chapter of some other fics I'm working on because It's All Connected, Tied to the Darkness.
> 
> Anyhoo, thank you all for reading and please check out my other stuff or come bother me and cry with me, I'm down for that.

**Author's Note:**

> And then somewhere Edelgard is getting ready for bed and is sad like, "I can't sleep. I know they're being stupid somewhere."


End file.
